Thursday, June 10, 2010

Two Hours Of Nothing But Bliss...

Epicly awesome night - chowing out on cheese slush, crying in the bathroom, dropping UNO cards, tripping up the stairs, and having a Random Jumping Party with the boys. Good times...

It didn't start out that way, though.

You see, originally I was supposed to be going with my bestie, Biffs. And usually, me and the fam just give her a ride. That's how it's been for some time. For as long as I can remember, really. So I just assumed that was the agenda for last night too. Makes sense, right? Wrong.

Apparently,  my parents didn't get the memo. So my mom goes into a hissy and tells my dad not to run over and pick up Biffs as a punishment for my "lack of communication".

I thought that night would suck. But my friends had other plans. They kept me happy, kept me sane the entire time. I still missed Biffs, but I wasn't bawling throughout the whole evening. And she forgave me, so I guess it's all good. Even though I still feel bad.

Moral of the Story: Always look at the bright side. You never know what glistening vessels of wonderfulness could lie right around the corner.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Cupcakes...I WANT CUPCAKES!!!

Sorry. I loves me some cupcakes. In case you couldn't tell. Lol

Oh, come on. You know you want one. You know it. ;)

I've been dying for some cupcakes for the last couple of days. And it's killing me. Killing me. Not literally, of course. But you know what I mean. Hopefully.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Farewell, Love...

Lord, it hurts. It hurts so much. I mean, it's not like I expected to meet the love of my life in high school, but he would've been a great First Love. Well, in a way, I guess he kind of is. Just not in the way I expected. The way I'd hoped.

The worst part is, I think I could have loved him, might have loved him. Or, at least loved him as much as any sixteen-year-old girl could. I just can't help but think of how perfect everything would've been if he'd been straight. Yeah, yeah, I know it probably wouldn't have been "perfect". Well, not to that extent. Still, I pretty much had our life together mapped out. Pathetic right?

But here goes...

We would live in a little house, just outside of town, where we would raise our three beautiful children. We'd argue over names the first time I got pregnant, during "our" first pregnancy test. Well, technically, it would be be my first test, but he'd be there in the bathroom with me, so, I guess you could say it was "ours". But, in the end, we'd decide to compromise.

We'd both be published authors, with him leaning more towards the poetic side of things, and with me more inclined to prose. It would all be wonderful. We'd understand when the other needed their Writing Time, their creative space. 

Sigh. What a beautiful, beautiful dream. But that's all it is. Just a dream. 'Cause it's never gonna happen. He's gay. I might as well face it. He's never going to like me the way I like him. It'll never happen. No matter how many times I cry, no matter how many times I wish that things were different...that he was different, or that I was different. He'll never love me that way. Respect me? Yes. Like me? Maybe. Love me? Never.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Read Me...

cheating hurts i would know :( by samantha shadow featuring Punky Pins earrings

Girl is on the couch​, makin​g out with a hot guy, when her cellp​hone rings​.

Girl:​ Hey, babe,​ I'll be right​ back.​ I need to take this.
Boy: Yeah, okay.​ Sure.

She walks​ into the next room.

Girl:​ Hey!
Guy (on her cellp​hone): Hey, hon. So, do you think​ we could​ go do something later​ tonig​ht?​
Girl:​ Yeah,​ sound​s great​!​
Guy: Okay.​ I'm right​ by​I'll come get you right now.
Girl:​ That'​s...not......such a good idea.
Guy: Why not?
Girl: I'm busy right​ now. Sorry​.
Guy:​ With what?​ It's our anniv​ersar​y!​ You didn'​t make any other​ plans​, did you?

In her head, she yells​,​ CRAP!​ Then starts throwing her clothes back on, struggling to balance the phone in the crick of her shoulder.

Girl: No. No. I was just eatin​g.​ With the famil​y.
Guy: But I thoug​ht you said your famil​y was away this weeke​nd? Up at the resor​t?​

The guy walks​ into her house​,​ turns​ the corne​r into the hallw​ay, goes downstairs,​ and finds​ his best frien​d on the couch​,​ half dress​ed,​​ tryin​g to pull his pants​ back on, while his girlf​riend​ attempts to pull her shirt​ back over her head.

Guy: What the hell is going​ on?!
Girl: ​​​I can expla​in!​​​ Pleas​e liste​n to me!
Guy: Benny​? ​​​ How could​ you do this to me! Rache​l!​​​ I thoug​ht you loved​ me! And yet, you're sleep​ing with MY BEST FRIEN​D!​​​!​​​!​​​!​​​
Rachel: ​​​John.​​​.​​​.

John rushes out of the room, slamming the door behind him, tears clouding his vision as he streams past the white picket fence, his Converse squelching against the cement with each pound.
Benny ​climb​s out of the windo​w,​​​ start​s his car, and drive​s off down the stree​t.
Rachel runs after​ her boyfr​iend, yelling. 

Rachel:​​​ NOOOO​!​​​ Pleas​e!​​​!​​​ Come back, John!​​​!​​​ Pleee​eeass​sse?​​​?​​​?​​​?​​​!​​​!​​​

She falls​ down and cries​. John turns​ aroun​d,​​​ and looks​ strai​ght at his girlf​riend​, eyes red, sore with grief.

John:​​​ Why? Rache​l,​​​ why? I loved​ you! Oh my God...I'm in love with a whore​! Does this mean I have to pay you now?​​​!​​​ Here. You can take this as the cash.​​​

He drops​ a ring box on her lap. She opens​ the ring box. Her jaw drops​.​​​.​​​. 
Befor​e her eyes is a diamo​nd weddi​ng ring.

Rachel:​​​ You were going​ to propo​se?​​​
John: Yeah.​​​.​​​.

She watched him go, clutching the ring for dear life, as he slowl​y walke​d back to his car. And she watched him as he got in, watched as his profile cut an unflinching memory of loss in her heart. And his headl​ights​ faded​ from view, the despair welled within her, an ache she knew, somehow, would never fully heal. 

Later ​that night​,​​​ Rachel got a phone​ call from the polic​e sayin​g John was dead. He'd died of an overdose, suicide, most likely.  And when they found​ him, all he had on him was two empty perscription bottles, and a pictu​re of her in his lifeless hands​...


Did you know that every​ night​, before you go to sleep,​ there​ is one perso​n thinking of you?
They are alway​s think​ing of you. Thinking of how they want to kiss you, how they want to be with you.
Open up your eyes, open up your heart to them - before it's too late.

Note: This is actually samantha shadow's original story. I just edited it and added some details here and there.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Misguided, Misplaced...Erased

When you meet that special someone,
You long to hear your name,
Your name upon their lips,
Your words upon their tongue,
Rising from the subterrane of their mouth,
The salt of your tears,
Mingled with the musk of flesh, of life...
And, ultimately, the innocence of First Love.

You never think they'll walk away.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

The Good, The Bad, And The Fugly

Okay. So, I told him. And...he's gay. But I think I'm okay with it. Well, as okay as I'm ever gonna be with it. In a way, I think I always knew, deep down. That doesn't change the fact that I still really like him. But I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be able to get over it. With some time. And a lot of TLC. No, not the music group.

Still, I can't help but wish that he wasn' know. Oh, well. It's not as if there's anything I can do about it.  
C'est la vie. That's life.

Okay, okay. So I'm not okay with it. I mean, it's not like I'm mad at him or anything. Just kind of sad. I just wish that I'd worked up the nerve sooner, instead of later. Normally, I would just be all "Whatever", but right now, I know that would be nothing but straight up bull. Pardon my French.*

To be brief: Why are all the cute ones gay? Good God, why?


As if that wasn't dramatic enough, I'm also currently in love with my best friend. Yes, I know. I'm officially a living, walking, breathing cliché. Embarrassing, right? On top of that, just to add to my life's regular dosage of utter madness and insufferable mayhem, he just broke up with one of my friends. But just hold your horses for a sec - it gets better. Apparently, he broke up with her for me.

In conclusion...
I'm in like with one guy and possibly in love with another. Emphasis on the possibly. And I can't have either of them!

But it's okay. I'll be all right.

I think. 

*And it actually is French. Or, more specifically, Old French. The bull, I mean. Its origins lie within the word "bole". And yes, I really am that much of an etymology nerd. Or just a nerd in general. Depending on how sincere you are. 

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

The Love-ly Curve Ball

Sometimes you can see it coming. But, more often than not, life throws you a curve ball. But I'll let you in on a little secret: Those are always the best ones.

Guess what? No, really. Guess. Okay, fine. I'll tell you. 

So, you know that guy I've had a crush on for forever? Well... I think he likes me.  

Trouble is, I also have a crush on this other guy in one of my classes.

I'm serious. 

So tomorrow, I'm going to talk to him. Bare my soul to him. Drain the cavernous well of my emotions to his unsuspecting gaze. Only a few hours to prepare myself. Make sure I don't make an absolute fool of myself. Sigh. Wish me luck - with both of them. 

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